Quote

My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Teaching
Teacher
Memories
Taught
Education
History
Memory

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
Image
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
Image
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
Image
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
Image
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman
Image
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
Image
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
Image
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
Image
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
Image
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
Image
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
Image
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
Image
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
Image
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
Image
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
Image
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
Image
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
Image
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
Image
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman