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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Education
History
Memory
Teaching
Teacher
Memories
Taught

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman