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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Memory
Teaching
Teacher
Memories
Taught
Education
History

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman