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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Teaching
Teacher
Memories
Taught
Education
History
Memory

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman