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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Teaching
Teacher
Memories
Taught
Education
History
Memory

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
Henny Youngman
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman