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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Many
Elementary
Spoken
Guess
Teaching
Education
Word
True
School
Sassy
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
