Quote

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Ten
Horse
Five
Half
Didn
Past
Come
Gamble
Gambling

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
Image
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
Image
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
Image
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
Image
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
Image
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
Image
Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
Henny Youngman
Image
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
Image
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
Image
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
Image
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
Image
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
Image
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
Image
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
Image
A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
Image
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
Image
I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
Henny Youngman