Quote

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Ten
Horse
Five
Half
Didn
Past
Come
Gamble
Gambling

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman