Quote

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Horse
Five
Half
Didn
Past
Come
Gamble
Gambling
Ten

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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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