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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Light
Eater
Dieting
Diets
Starts
Weight
Soon
Wife

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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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