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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Soon
Wife
Light
Eater
Dieting
Diets
Starts
Weight
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
