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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Aging
Silly
Happiness
Use
Money
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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