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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Aging
Silly
Happiness
Use
Money

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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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