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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Aging
Silly
Happiness
Use
Money
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman