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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Use
Money
Aging
Silly
Happiness

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman