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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Clubs
Broke
Golf
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
Henny Youngman
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman