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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Clubs
Broke
Golf
Humor

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
Henny Youngman
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman