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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Clubs
Broke
Golf
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman