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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Broke
Golf
Humor
Funny
Clubs

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman