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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Clubs
Broke
Golf
Humor

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman