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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Clubs
Broke
Golf
Humor

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman