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What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Quiet
Baby
Kids
Home
Without
Children
Toddler
Sentimental
Silly
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
