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What is a home without children? Quiet.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Home
Without
Children
Toddler
Sentimental
Silly
Quiet
Baby
Kids

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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