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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Married
Marriage
Hold
Wife
Funny
Newlyweds
Hands
Bachelors
Always
Shops
Life
Shopping
More quotes by Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Henny Youngman
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman