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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Newlyweds
Hands
Bachelors
Always
Shops
Life
Shopping
Married
Marriage
Hold
Wife
More quotes by Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
