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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Life
Shopping
Married
Marriage
Hold
Wife
Funny
Newlyweds
Hands
Bachelors
Always
Shops

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman