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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Life
Shopping
Married
Marriage
Hold
Wife
Funny
Newlyweds
Hands
Bachelors
Always
Shops
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
