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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Hold
Wife
Funny
Newlyweds
Hands
Bachelors
Always
Shops
Life
Shopping
Married
Marriage

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman