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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Firsts
Hilarious
First
Comedian
Much
Humorous
Adventure
Succeed
Success
Funny
Skydiving
Inspirational
Violinist
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
