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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Skydiving
Inspirational
Violinist
Firsts
Hilarious
First
Comedian
Much
Humorous
Adventure
Succeed
Success
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
