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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Skydiving
Inspirational
Violinist
Hilarious
Firsts
Comedian
First
Humorous
Much
Adventure
Succeed
Success

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
Henny Youngman
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman