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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Much
Humorous
Adventure
Succeed
Success
Funny
Skydiving
Inspirational
Violinist
Firsts
Hilarious
First
Comedian
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
