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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Adventure
Succeed
Success
Funny
Skydiving
Inspirational
Violinist
Firsts
Hilarious
First
Comedian
Much
Humorous
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Henny Youngman
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
