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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
First
Comedian
Much
Humorous
Adventure
Succeed
Success
Funny
Skydiving
Inspirational
Violinist
Firsts
Hilarious

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman