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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Started
Drunk
Says
Judge
Drinking
Brought
Judging
Fronts
Front
Okay
Beer
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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