Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Okay
Beer
Started
Drunk
Says
Judge
Drinking
Brought
Judging
Fronts
Front
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
Henny Youngman
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman