Quote

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Started
Drunk
Says
Judge
Drinking
Brought
Judging
Fronts
Front
Okay
Beer

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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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