Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Much
Divorces
Jewish
Divorce
Cost
Worth
Humor
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
