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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Much
Divorces
Jewish
Divorce
Cost
Worth
Humor
More quotes by Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
