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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Jewish
Divorce
Cost
Worth
Humor
Funny
Much
Divorces
More quotes by Henny Youngman
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
Henny Youngman
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman