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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Humor
Funny
Much
Divorces
Jewish
Divorce
Cost
Worth
More quotes by Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
