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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Cost
Worth
Humor
Funny
Much
Divorces
Jewish
Divorce

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman