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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Number
Room
Humor
Rooms
Numbers
Hospitality
Funny
Elegant
Hotel
Service

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman