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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Start
Funny
Firsts
First
Kneeling
Time
Horse
Saws
Humor
Position
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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