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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
First
Kneeling
Time
Horse
Saws
Humor
Position
Start
Funny
Firsts
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
