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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Live
Life
Overseas
Insult
Humor
Comedy

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman