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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Insult
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Live
Life
Overseas

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman