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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Insult
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Live
Life
Overseas

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman