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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Live
Life
Overseas
Insult
Humor
Comedy
Funny

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman