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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Live
Life
Overseas
Insult
Humor
Comedy
Funny

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
Henny Youngman
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman