Quote

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Insult
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Live
Life
Overseas

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
Image
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
Image
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
Image
All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
Image
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
Image
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
Image
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
Image
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
Image
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
Image
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
Image
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
Image
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
Image
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
Image
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
Henny Youngman
Image
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
Image
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
Image
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
Image
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
Image
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman