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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Way
Cooks
Dresses
Cooking
Kill
Wife

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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