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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wife
Way
Cooks
Dresses
Cooking
Kill

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman