Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Cooks
Dresses
Cooking
Kill
Wife
Way
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
