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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Cooks
Dresses
Cooking
Kill
Wife
Way

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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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