Quote

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Comedy
Taken
Unlocked
Wraps
Doesn
Trash
Doe
Puts
Men
Car
Gift
Pay

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
Image
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
Image
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
Henny Youngman
Image
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
Image
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
Image
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
Image
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
Image
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
Image
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
Image
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
Image
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
Image
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
Image
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
Image
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman
Image
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
Image
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
Image
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
Image
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman