Quote

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Car
Gift
Pay
Comedy
Taken
Unlocked
Doesn
Wraps
Doe
Trash
Men
Puts

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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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