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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Men
Puts
Car
Gift
Pay
Comedy
Taken
Unlocked
Doesn
Wraps
Doe
Trash
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Henny Youngman
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
