Quote

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Comedy
Taken
Unlocked
Doesn
Wraps
Doe
Trash
Men
Puts
Car
Gift
Pay

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman