Quote

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Gift
Pay
Comedy
Taken
Unlocked
Doesn
Wraps
Doe
Trash
Men
Puts
Car

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman