Quote

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Car
Gift
Pay
Comedy
Taken
Unlocked
Doesn
Wraps
Doe
Trash
Men
Puts

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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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