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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Usually
Students
Teaching
Teacher
Taught
Poor
Self
Student
Men
Worse
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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