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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Self
Student
Men
Worse
Usually
Students
Teaching
Teacher
Taught
Poor
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
