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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Teacher
Taught
Poor
Self
Student
Men
Worse
Usually
Students
Teaching

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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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