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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Self
Student
Men
Worse
Usually
Students
Teaching
Teacher
Taught
Poor
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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