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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Teacher
Taught
Poor
Self
Student
Men
Worse
Usually
Students
Teaching

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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