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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Teaching
Teacher
Taught
Poor
Self
Student
Men
Worse
Usually
Students
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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