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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wit
Insult
Humor
Ready
Comedy
Funny
Tell
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Henny Youngman
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman