Quote

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Tell
Wit
Insult
Humor
Ready
Comedy

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
Image
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
Image
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
Image
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
Image
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
Image
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
Image
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
Image
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
Image
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
Image
The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
Image
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
Image
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
Image
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
Image
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
Image
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
Image
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
Image
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
Image
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
Image
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman