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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wit
Insult
Humor
Ready
Comedy
Funny
Tell

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman