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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Humor
Ready
Comedy
Funny
Tell
Wit
Insult
More quotes by Henny Youngman
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman