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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Tell
Wit
Insult
Humor
Ready
Comedy
Funny

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman