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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Men
Wives
Jewish
Humor
Comedy
Wife
Dies
Funny

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman