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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Men
Wives
Jewish
Humor
Comedy
Wife
Dies

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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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