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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Dies
Funny
Men
Wives
Jewish
Humor
Comedy
Wife

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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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