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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Men
Wives
Jewish
Humor
Comedy
Wife
Dies
Funny

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Henny Youngman
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman