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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wives
Jewish
Humor
Comedy
Wife
Dies
Funny
Men

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman